I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
