I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
