So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
