he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
