Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
