Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
