Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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