everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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