Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
