Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
