Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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