He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
whose parrot is this?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
