He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
