My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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