I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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