I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
