Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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