Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
