she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
