he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's like iHOP with fire
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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