I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
