omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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