his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
