Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
