he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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