im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
