did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
