the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
