..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
