Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
