Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
