just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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