bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
