Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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