I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
