why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
