fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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