Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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