Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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