Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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