I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
