Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
