Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
