every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
