And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
