Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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