You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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