her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
