don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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