I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
