I wish my penis had an off switch
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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