I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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