I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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