you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
