Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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