We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think I died a long time ago.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
